I have come to the conclusion that the world is not having enough sex.
Yes, that is what I said.
I base this theory not on personal scientific research but on the mere fact that I am currently receiving at least 10 e-mails a day trying to sell me Viagra. I start off every work morning deleting all of the spam sent to me during the wee hours of the morning. While the rest of the world is sleeping, thousands of people are up all night doing nothing but sending us e-mails on how we can save money on our prescription drugs. How do they do it?
A year ago, I was relatively spam-free, until one of our wonderful employees (who shall remain nameless, for their own protection) accidentally opened a virus. Since then, every morning I am inundated with drug discounts, stock tips and offers of marriage from beautiful, lonely ladies overseas.
I love the subject lines on them, luring me to just spend a minute to open an e-mail and read this extremely important message. Some are quite creative, like: “You okay now?” “Great for us all,” “Greetings dear,” “Don’t miss this unique chance,” or “Inquiry.” That’s a tricky one — you almost got me with that one.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not making fun of Viagra. It has changed the lives of many people.
I have a whole new respect for the drug, especially when their spokesperson became my favorite hunk of a baseball player, Rafael Palmaro. Who can resist him? It’s just that I really don’t have the time to go through all these junk e-mails. I have many other more important ones to read throughout my workday.
Like “Read this poem and send it to 10 people to have good luck.” Delete… Now you know why I am not very lucky. “Can I have Friday off?” Sorry… “Can I have a raise?” Absolutely not…
The ones that really make me crazy are the ones I get from co-workers who are sitting 4 feet away from me. Now I have to open the e-mail, read the e-mail, respond and then, delete the e-mail.
Can’t they just turn around and ask me? Maybe I am just old fashioned that way, plus I have a real problem with throwing anything away, so I end up with 2,984 e-mails in the inbox and then my computer explodes, and Art Director/computer guru Shaun Lambert has to drop everything to come in and fix it before someone loses an eye.
I am stuck in an office full of tekkies. They sit here all day with their fancy phones, listening to their iPods and scrolling through their PDA’s.
I had a PDA once, thinking that it would make my life so much easier. I would be organized. I would never be late for a meeting, and all of this paper on my desk would be gone. Dream on. After spending 16 hours attempting to put in all of my addresses and phone numbers from my handy dandy day planner, I got frustrated and gave it to my daughter.
I still don’t know how to text message on my cell phone or how to use the camera on it.
There is one piece of technology that I am quite proficient with. That is my TiVo. Oh, yes, we will not be missing an episode of “The Young and Restless” at the Lyons household.
What’s next? You guessed it; the excitement is building around here. The iPhone comes onto the market today. Yes, folks, this baby does it all. You can make calls on it, you can use it as a PDA, and you can search the Internet, watch a movie, listen to music or get directions. It will even change your oil. Well, maybe I misread that.
Now, if it could only withdraw my money from that special bank account that I have in Nigeria, I could buy some stock in Apple.